Just before I start flinging my faeces at the walls while pistoning a greased bamboo skewer into my urethra because I am overwhelmed by the sheer fuckiposity of everything, I will adopt a moment of calm introspection…
Another year has gone by and we are still balls-deep in the Plague. And it’s still elbow-deep up our long-suffering blurters too. It’s become symbiotic.
A symbiotic pandemic, as such. Cool, huh? Not had one of them before, have we?
I shall address that in a sec, but while I still retain some clarity of thought, allow me to wish all my readers a great and successful 2022 as they try and put this year behind them in that laughable annual calendar-based vow of renewal.
As if the world and you yourself will magically spring forth reborn when that calendar ticks over. As if the same turd-glossed shitfuckery you tolerated and bathed in this past year will suddenly cease just because it’s now 2022. As if your slack-jawed staring at the fireworks you funded (because bright exploding things in the sky are wonderfully uplifting for mouth-breathers and somewhat less so for animals), while being supervised by heavily armed cops lest you become overly festive, will transform you into a steel-eyed doer of all things in 2022.
Hope springs eternal, huh?
That observation comes from Alexander Pope’s An Essay on Man. It goes like this:
“Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest.
The soul, uneasy, and confin’d from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.”
And maybe you’ll look at this immortal whine a little differently if I tell you Pope was the foremost satirist of his age. So fuck him and fuck hope springing eternally on the presumption that man is somehow “blest”. I would expect no less from a Catholic apologist like Pope.
I’m sure there’s a lot of people who are not feeling very “blest” at the moment. And they, and you who maybe is currently feeling “blest”, can rest assured more of the same and probably worse is on its way.
Still, I must mind my manners as we move forward.
So I would also like to thank the good and generous folk who have bigheartedly subscribed to my website and thus allowed me to feed myself and my family. Thank you. It might only be a few bucks a month to you, but it means the world to me.
I am also grateful to my colleagues in Big Biznis, Freido and Tug. It is thanks to their selfless talents and dedication that our little MotoPG podcast has exceeded all expectations and is on track to become one of the biggest sports podcasts on this planet. And for that, I also need to thank our listeners, sponsors, and supporters. Hopefully, we can make it really big next year.
My thanks must also go to the champions in the motorcycle industry. They keep on giving me bikes and products to review and I keep on churning those reviews out – probably not as fast as they would like (and yes, I am still a little backed-up in that regard) – with all the love and wit I can muster.
And you people seem to enjoy them, which is the most important thing. That, and the fact I am beholden to no-one when I write the reviews – but I guess you have all worked that out by now. As have sections of the industry who buy favourable copy with their advertising dollars. How’s that working out for you all? Still think the readers are too dumb to notice?
So that’s that out of the way. Let me now sigh with exasperation like a busted boiler and examine the year that was 2021…
MY FAVOURITE BIKES
I could and should just type Rocket 3 a hundred times and be done with it. Because that is still my favourite for all the reasons I listed in my review. But I do have a few others which I enjoyed far more than I should have.
The Ducati Panigale S – One sex-dream hot-damn of a bike that fried my thighs and fed my soul like an extra-marital affair with a coke-freak supermodel.
The Triumph Speed Triple RS – I haven’t written this review yet, but it’s gonna go along the lines of “YesOGodYesOGodYEEESSS!” like when one of them pornstars loses her shit and spews spadge-juice all over the set. It’s brilliant on every level.
On general principles, there are no truly “bad” bikes any more. You know that. Even the CF-Moto I ran around on for a bit was surprisingly better than I expected. Sure, there are bikes that can disappoint on some ephemeral level, but that’s just an objective thing. There are people still raving about Harley’s CVO Street Glide, and that disappointed me like a New Year’s Eve party.
Still here. Gonna be here for a while too, I reckon. It is what it is, and I stopped caring which side of the vaccine-thing you put yourself on.
Everyone’s decisions are informed by their own prejudices and fears. That’s human nature. The behavioural scientists employed by the government to keep us from rending our politicians like wild dogs fighting over their food, know just which buttons can be pushed and for how hard and how long.
And Australia, great self-convinced nest of dim, uneducated, complacent, and racist larrikinism that it is, is, in reality, a hugely compliant and submissive society.
The Plague was always going to be divisive in a society that was already hugely divided. And we are that as well. That we are so divided is equal parts our own inherent dumbness and the disgusting behaviour and policies (what few there are) of the Liberal National coalition which governs us.
At the time of writing, we are being bathed in a variant of the Plague called Omicron. It seems less virulent but more contagious, which is how viruses operate. So the Plague is doing what it was always going to do. The vaccines kinda work in keeping most of us from getting really ill, but that’s all they were ever going to do. If you thought otherwise, then your YouTube research is somewhat lacking.
Scummo and his shaved shit-slurpers have had two years to get their shit together in terms of quarantine, vaccine supply, and some kind or workable management of life during a pandemic. They fucked that up.
Australia has become the fucken Balkans. A group of self-governing duchies each as clueless as the next as to what to do and how to do it. Borders which once existed as lines on a map have become pig-infested gauntlets of compliance.
Has that stopped anything? Apart from the economy, I mean? Nope. It was never going to. All it was ever going to do was slow the spread – presumably in the hope that our rulers would get their shit together and be able to deal with shit when everybody got the Plague.
But that’s not what’s happened either.
They demand you get tested. But then they are unable to cope with the amount of people who turn up for testing. They fuck up the test results and send Plague-carriers back into the mix. They destroy businesses by sending people home who have been near someone who they might think have the Plague.
Those people then sit at home for days waiting for their test results. Then they sit at home some more waiting for newer test results.
Since these are not government-mandated lockdowns, the government money-tap has been turned off. You must manage as you best can. Or you can go fuck yourself. There are your options.
And the safety-screeching is all-encompassing. You know why, right?
Because ANYTHING can be justified in the name of public safety. ANYTHING.
If they told you tomorrow you would have to drown your first-born in vat of oil for society to remain “safe”, a huge bunch of terrified fucks would do just that. They would not even question the edict, because their safety is at stake, and if young Melissa has to be ended, then so be it. It’s for the best.
We are the best of slaves in that regard. Look around at what we have lost in terms of personal freedom in the last decade alone and tell me I am wrong. Look at the cops who now police us. Look at the people they abuse and murder with impunity. Tell yourself it’s all about “safety” and sleep well at night.
We’re done here. Seriously. If you think we’re being governed well, you are mentally damaged.
The Coalition has become a byword for corruption, contempt, cruelty, and arrogance. The list of crimes and misdemeanours is staggering.
Rape, desk-jizzing, underfunding or de-funding the very systems they now rely on to haul us out of the Plague, lies about money, submarines, sports facilities, China, Russia, water, vaccines, the economy…fuck…I could be here for days typing out the shit these cunts have done and not done.
It’s pointless. There’ll still be arseholes who will yelp that Labor is worse.
And maybe it is. But I’d happy to roll the dice there, even if Albo and his droogs appeal to me as much as eating my own vomit after a night on the red wine.
I’ve said I would vote for Genghis Khan at this stage, and I surely would.
Russia will eventually return the Ukraine to where it belongs. And NATO will have to find another forward-operating base to house its missiles. It will probably need to find another group of lunatic fascists to fund, because the Ukrainian ones will all be shot by Putin, and rightly so. But that’s what happens when you foment unrest in another country, entirely unaware of its history and its interests.
And I can assure you it is not in Russia’s interest to be surrounded by NATO missile bases despite being promised such a thing would never happen. It has happened, and it will keep happening until someone gets punched in the face.
The ancient Russian capital is Kiev. The Ukraine was never a country. It was always Russia. Its name means “edge of” and it is now and always the edge of Russia. And the USA actually knows this. So it will do nothing. And neither will the EU, unless the Germans want to freeze their lederhosen off when the Russians turn off their gas supply in winter.
Of course, that is not the narrative you’re being fed, is it?
The Balkans will also soon explode into another round of yelling and screaming and likely stop short of meaningful bloodshed. Once again, NATO (and by NATO I mean the USA) and its interference in another country’s business will bite it on the arse.
China will just China on. It doesn’t need to re-take Taiwan by force. It just has to wait. And it’s good at that.
Either way, it’s my hope our children will not soon be dragged into another foreign war where they can die for “Freedom” while trillions of dollars are pissed up against a wall so the US economy can stagger onwards.
I could go on and on, but I am just venting. It makes me feel better, but it achieves nothing much other than that. My words will change no-one’s mind or world-view. I’m just getting shit off my chest about 2021.
You will, of course, do you. Some of you will gnash your teeth in the self-same angst I am experiencing. Others will smirk and discount my words as more of “Borrie’s bullshit” because they are somehow content with the status quo. Others will think things are far worse than they really are and continue to prep for Doomsday and the coming of our Lizard Overlords.
But by and large, most will do nothing and think nothing. People will generally focus on what concerns them directly and what can be fucked or un-fucked by direct action. The lightbulb is out? Get another lightbulb and change it. Simple things.
The big-picture stuff? That’s just way too hard and where does one even start? What can one person even do? I could point to a fellow called Gavrilo Princip in that regard. But you already know that.
People really do just want to be safe. They don’t want to stare into the abyss, because it stares right the fuck back at them and that’s truly scary stuff.
So they don’t do that. They avert their eyes. And if the abyss cannot be seen, then the abyss cannot affect them.
But we are stronger than we sometimes know.
I know that many of us fight demons every day. We wrestle with health issues, financial hardship, depression, and anxiety. We fight what we think is the good fight on a personal level all the time. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. But as long as we never stop fighting, we can hold our heads up.
But because we are so engaged in that fight, we have no time to fight a fight on our society’s behalf.
But that’s a fight that is just as important as our personal battles.
We just need to see this.
So stare freely into the abyss. And when it stares back at you, punch the fucker in the face. See if it wants to go a few rounds.
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Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.