You all know we have a Lizard Brain, right? Scientists call it the Triune Brain and it’s a bunch of ancient and primitive jelly and gloop that sits deep inside your more advanced brain, and consists of exciting things called the basal ganglia, the thalmus, the globus pallides, the substantia nigra, and the cerebellum.
It’s the part of your brain that deals with fighting, fleeing, feeding and fucking. And that’s all it does.
Here’s what mine is doing when it is confronted by The Plague…
SSS-CHAHH…the jab…what if jab kills me? What if jab kills wife? Love wife. Love me. Don’t want heart to burst from jab. Heart already weak. EEEEEEEEEE-CHAH! Maybe get other jab? Maybe that jab give wife cancer again. Maybe that jab melt liver. Need liver to filter alcohol. Need wife. Need liver. SSS-CHAH!
Marketing Lizard say things. Marketing Lizard lie all the time. Is Marketing Lizard lying now? Want to eat face of Marketing Lizard and put claws in his eyes. SSS-CHAH! Maybe catch Plague from eating Marketing Lizard’s face. Maybe worth it. SSS-CHAH!
Who has Plague? Everyone maybe has Plague. SSS-CHAH! Maybe Plague will kill us all. Maybe Plague will not kill us all. Maybe Plague will kill only the weak lizards? Is it good that Plague kills only the weak lizards? Why are young lizards getting Plague too? EEEEEEEE-CHAH!
Will jab prevent death? SSS-CHAH! Will jab hasten death? Will jab change lizard into worm? Is better to be worm or lizard? EEEEEEEE-CHAH! Want Plague to stop. Is Plague real? What if Plague not real? Want Fake Plague to stop anyway. SSS-CHAH!
Queen Bin Chicken Lizard speaks of Plague many times. Can only see my claws in eyes of Queen Bin Chicken Lizard. Eyes very close together. Cannot understand noises that come from beak of Queen Bin Chicken Lizard. SSS-CHAH! Who will mate with her?
Many Blue Hate Lizards have hatched and walk the earth. SSS-CHAH! Blue Hate Lizards full of hate for other lizards. Do Blue Hate Lizards spread the Plague? Does Plague affect Blue Hate Lizards? Why are not more lizards dying if Plague is bad? SSS-CHAH! Why have so many lizards died in other lizard lands?
Want very much to eat Marketing Lizard’s face.
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Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.