STOP READING NOW IF BAD WORDS CAUSE YOUR BLADDER TO EMPTY.
And here we are.
Fat and happy, awash with mediocrity, glistening with self-righteousness, with the fuck-pole of safety shoved so far into our shitters, it’s come out the top of our stupid heads.
If you’re a motorcyclist who lies prostrate at the mindless altar of safety, go fuck yourself, you piece of shit.
You took up the world’s greatest mind-body-soul-machine engagement – and it is that precisely because it is as dangerous as fuck – and now you want to be safe.
Fuck off, you disgusting and stupid cunt.
And you are a stupid cunt. A deeply and tragically stupid cunt.
At your very worst, you drape yourself with a reflective vest because you’ve convinced yourself it’s safer than not wearing one. But because you’re so appallingly stupid, you don’t realise no-one can see your reflective vest from front-on. That’s because there’s the front-half of a motorcycle with its fucken headlight on (and normally a fairing) obscuring your fluoro shit-brainery from the vehicles coming towards you.
Bet you have a top-box as well, you un-flensed cunt. Cunts like you normally do, because safety is putting a big, weighted object way above and behind the back-axle of the bike.
So now you can’t be seen from behind, either, can you? The only place your fluoro safety rag can be seen from is the side. And fuck-all of you wobbling fucks get T-boned that way. Which is a shame.
Do you now understand why you are stupid cunt?
Do you want to know why you’re a disgusting cunt as well?
It’s your self-righteousness that makes you so disgusting. Stupid cunts have no business being self-righteous. And vice-versa.
But there you go, each time you see a motorcyclist speeding, wheelying, or not wearing a helmet and full racing leathers, you get onto social media and began mashing your cunt-face into the keyboard until you manage to vent enough self-righteous condemnation to explode a planet.
Each time I hear one of you cunts vomit forth “Ride safe!”, I want savage dogs to tear you to pieces. And you state that “Ride safe!” shit a lot, because cunts like you live on virtue-signalling. The world must know and be told often of your virtue and right-mindedness.
You are a prole in Orwell’s 1984, you pig-fucked shit-sack. You no more belong on a motorcycle than does an arse-worm. And yet you ride one, and think you’re part of some inane brotherhood because you do.
Fuck you. Cunts like you may only claim brotherhood to fellow cunts like you. You’re not my brother. You’re nothing but dung to me, despite the fact you ride a bike.
You don’t get it. You have never got it, and you will never get it. Motorcycling is not now and has not ever been about safety.
The best shit in the world is not about safety. Climbing mountains, exploring caves, jumping out of planes, and riding bikes is magnificent because it challenges every self-preservation instinct we have. And that need and drive to challenge is what makes us human.
You, on the other hand, are less than human, precisely because you pursue and venerate safety.
This is why you are a disgusting, stupid cunt, and why you need to fuck off.
After all, your cuntness is a gift that keeps right on cunting.
Mortifyingly unashamed by your devotion to safety – yours and everyone else’s – there is no end to the love you bear your slave-collar.
You are the cunt that goes to have Coffee With a Cop. You are the cunt that sends his GoPro footage to the authorities when it captures some “unsafe” incident. You are the cunt who celebrates the installation of speed cameras. You are the cunt that goes on all those deeply fucked awareness raising group rides dressed as a cunt instead of actually doing something that actually helps people who are suffering. You are the cunt demanding something should be done about something by someone who is not you, because you’re so fucked and cunted it is always someone else’s job.
You live a life of utter worthlessness. Actually, you don’t live. You simply exist. You do not know what living is. Living is danger. Living is risk. Safety, its febrile worship and its relentless pursuit is worse than death. It is nothing. It is empty and pointless. It’s a fucking test pattern.
That is what you are and that is the life you have chosen.
And I hate you and want you to wallow in a pit full of sick-people’s excrement while rats await to devour you while you still breathe. And no, I don’t want that because of what you want for yourself.
I want that because you want it for everyone else. You want us all to be safe.
You will say men like me are only the kind of men who want to watch the world burn.
Once again, you are wrong.
I cannot live in a world I have burned. So I don’t want to watch the world burn.
I want to watch you burn.
Subscribe and get to see the real spicy stuff and much more
Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.