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SPIDERS

Part of the 'Shit My Wife Says' Series

“Come here! Quick!”

“I arrive at the speed of a thousand raped apes, my love. How can I enhance your life?”

“Kill that fucken thing! OMFG. Kill it with everything.”

“It’s a spider.”

“I know what it fucken is! I want it dead, but don’t smear the fucken thing on the wall like you usually do.”

“I will deploy slaying skills like you’ve never seen. Stand back.”

“I’m already standing on the other side of the room. Do you want me to go outside?”

“There are more of them out there, I reckon.”

“They must come out of the trees.”

“Want me to defoliate the Hunter Valley?”

“I want you to kill that fucken spider! Is it dead?”

“Totally.”

“No! Do not come near me. I don’t want to fucken look at it, you horrible bastard! Just piss it off.”

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Boris Mihailovic

Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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