“Come here for a sec. I want you to see how this fire-starting thing goes.”
“Go on then, scout-cunt.”
“Take two bigger sticks and put them like this. Then take two firestarters and put them here between the two sticks. Then put some of this smaller stuff across the two bigger sticks, and then light the firestarters. Are you watching?”
“No.”
“OK..um, I think you maybe need to do that. For when I’m not here.”
“Those firestarters burn really well. I’m just going to buy lots of them and put them in there.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Yeah, like you’re the boss of me. You won’t even be here. What are you doing now?”
“I’m adding larger pieces of wood.”
“That’s a thing?”
“You know it’s a thing. You’re just fucking with me.”
“It’s what you deserve after you were mean to all those people on Facebook.”
“How do you know about that?”
“Andrew told me. He said: ‘Mum, look at all these idiots who wanna kill dad’. Do people really want to kill you?”
“Some. Most want to bash me or see me crash on a bike.”
“That’s what you get for being mean. I told you not to be mean.”
“I know. I apologised this morning.”
“You lie, fucker.”
I love her so much.
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