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INSTRUCTIONS

Part of the 'Shit Mt Wife Says' Series

Lynette was sitting at the dining table while I made concerted efforts to remove the visor of a new helmet I have received in order to fit a Pinlock insert to it.

She watched me in silence for a while, then when I finally decided to read the instructions, she said:

“Do you ever listen to yourself? What the fuck? Seriously? I’m expecting you to throw whatever it is through the window any second. It’s all:

‘What the fuck is this? Why the fuck is it doing that? What the fuck does that do? Why can’t I get this cunt in? Who the fuck made this? What dire cunt thought this was a fucking good idea? Why won’t this cunt go back in? The fuck is fucking going on fucken here?’

“And then it’s:
‘Fuck you, you fucken stupid fucking cunt! Go and get fucked, you fuck! Fucken complex fucken cunt of a fucken cunt! It’s fucken 2020, you cunt! Act like it!’ “
“And then you get it to work and it’s like: ‘Check it out, baby! How fucken good is this!?”

I looked into her beautiful eyes and said: “Is there a point you wish to make?”

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Boris Mihailovic

Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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