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He gonna doze all over you

The Federal Election is upon us.


And that bag of smirking suet in the Lodge has declared himself to be a bulldozer.


Sri Lanka, whose army has been ordered to shoot people stealing things, has a more credible government than we do.


I hold nothing holy, but if I did, then I would pray to it on scabbed knees.


I would beg that it sends Scummo and the vile herd of vermin, rats, bog-worms, screech-Karens, drunken farmers, and the Kartofelfuhrer Voldemort, into an abyss so deep, dark, and awful to pay for the crimes they have committed against this country, that they might never emerge.


I beggars human belief this up-chuck of nausea, this marketing-facsimile of a human being, this cult-driven bungle-fucker has the support he has according to the polls.


How is this support even in double figures? Have none of you been paying attention? How many times can his crimes, lies, indifferences, inactions, and incompetencies kick you in the cods before you become aware enough to say: “Yeah, nah, maybe we could do better, aye?”


And don’t give me this puerile bullshit about how this puddle of blue-tie-wearing knob-sores is just the same as the alternative. Don’t you presume to mewl idiocy at me about how Albo and his droogs can’t manage our money, and it’s best left in the hands of prayer-room rent-boy-buyers, desk-jizzers, and smirk-a-fucks who have to ask their wives if rape is a bad thing.


Fuck the fuck off, you ignorant shit-cunt. I don’t fucken care if Albo forgot the unemployment rate. I care that an evil, fork-tongued, god-bothering, bullshit artist is given a pass by an electorate so worm-dumb and facile, it thinks what it has is some kind of good or even reasonable government.


The fuck is wrong with you? You’re OK with what’s been going on? How is that possible? Does the LNP have pictures of you rooting goats? Is that it? And if you don’t vote for it, then it will plaster them all over the very same Internet it wants to ban you yodelling your idiocy on?


This is not a government. This is a disgrace. Nationally and internationally. We burn, we drown, we choke, we have nowhere to live, and we can’t afford to live where we are if we’re lucky enough to have a roof over our heads. We’re not paid fairly for our work, and we actually think there’s some merit in not increasing the minimum wage by 38-cents lest our economy collapses – yet we can piss billions up the wall buying future submarines and space cannons.


A frightening amount of us still eagerly support a regime which has blunder-cunted everything it has touched in the last ten years it’s been in power. Every single fucken thing. If you’re better off now than you were a decade ago, then you must be one of them shit-eating greedos with five properties, a share portfolio, and a shit-bitch wife who wears a puffer jacket over her workout gear. And so you so very much need to go fuck yourself, you shameless toad.


Or you’re the offspring of such a cunt, and a proud member of the Young Liberals, an organisation firmly dedicated to pouring white rooting-wine into the gobs of its overweight female members, who can then be guiltlessly finger-banged for shits and giggles, while your mum tells the maid to make sure she gets the whore-stains out of your RM Williams moleskins.


These are the only types of subhuman filth that can cast a vote for the LNP. Anyone else who does is either too stupid to breed, or my god-mother, who will vote LNP until she dies because she knows no better and cannot be swayed, or even judged, for she is an immigrant with poor English and not given to thinking past what pills she needs to take in the afternoon.


Is ten years of this nightmare not enough? Is ten years of the media deciding what and how you think not enough? You want more of this?


Is a decade of vast incompetence, pork-barrelled bribery, arrogant buck-passing, yellow-spined no-hose-holding, and screeching at Money Jesus to smite the sinning Poors on their beggar-like snouts, all you can take, or do you want some more?


How has your imbecile arse not prolapsed yet? How can you even clean the sour LNP choad leaking from your franking-credit-distended pooer?


Where have you put your humanity? Where is your critical thought? Are we a functioning, modern society or are we a collection of selfish, greed-filled, gambling addicts and stupid pissheads?


There are people who still shake that grinning curry-repository’s hand. There are still people who have their photo taken with a creature so devoid of empathy, he had to use your money to hire a person who would offer him some training in that crucial human quality.


And there are still people who admire him for denigrating homosexuals, gender-confused kids, women, and frightened people fleeing persecution, because that, to them, is how Australia stays safe, secure, and strong. And God-fearing. And the Greatest Country On Earth.


Just ask Rupert. He’ll tell you. Just as he has been for all these long, dark years. And you sucked up his propaganda, and you continue to suck it up, because it’s easier than thinking for yourself. Cos, like, you know, you’re not interested in politics. Your vote doesn’t matter. They’re all the same.


And that’s why we have what we have. And that’s why we get what we get. And electorate too self-obsessed and dumb to think past the next footy game deserves exactly what it’s been getting.


I’m just about out of hope. But what little of it remains, is pushing the wishful thought that enough of the electorate is sentient enough to turf this cabal of blunderfucks into the abyss I mentioned earlier.


They deserve nothing less.


Begone, you smirking pig-scrote! Get thee hence. And take your garbage cabinet, your awful family, your disgusting God, your uncooked chicken curries, your pedo-enabling mates, and your fatuous shit-eating grin, and just fuck the fuck off forever.

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Boris Mihailovic

Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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