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It’s like a line from some edgy stand-up comedian poking fun at the imbecilic caperings of the NSW police.


It also happens to be exactly what happened to 95-year-old Clare Nowland, who is now in a critical condition at Cooma base Hospital with a bleeding brain.


Here is what we have been told happened…


Police were called to an aged care facility, Tallambee Lodge, because a resident had a knife.


Police arrived at the facility and according to Deputy Excuse-Maker and Commissioner, Peter Cotter, they encountered an elderly woman carrying a serrated steak knife.


As a brief aside, my mother was in a good aged care facility for some years, and the residents were never served steak, or had any need to access serrated steak knives, but maybe it was Wagyu night at Tallambee Lodge. Who knows?


Anyway, Pete goes on to state, in perfect Robocop-speak: “Negotiations commenced with Clare to essentially drop the knife. For whatever reason, she did not do that.”


It’s “Clare”, is it, Pete? Not Ms Nowland? Good to see you’ve decided you’re on a first-name basis with a lady your idiots have electrocuted and hospitalised with brain damage.


And what’s this “essentially” adverb doing in your mumbling? What does it even mean in this context? But that aside, your two idiots commenced “negotiations” with Ms Nowland, you say?


“For whatever reason” you say? Pete, seriously. She had dementia. She may have been hard of hearing. She may have been confused. Could those have been reasons? Huh?


But Pete also had other crucial insights into the event…


“She did have a knife in her hand and it is fair to say she was armed with that knife. It is fair to say [she walked] at a slow pace. She had a walking frame. But she had a knife.”


Don’t forget that, people! She. Had. A. Knife.


And upon the presumed failure of these negotiations (which lasted how long, Pete? An hour? A minute? The time it took for one of your idiots to unhitch his taser?), Ms Nowland was zapped, hit the ground, and her brain exploded.


Given Ms Nowland was suffering from dementia, one would imagine the negotiations that were embarked upon by the idiots (the one who Tasered her had 12-years of experience, by the way), were somewhat perplexing for everyone.


“Put down the knife!”


“Is it lunchtime yet?”


“Put down the fucking knife!”


“I once had a kitten…”


“Taser, Taser, Taser!”


“I think I’d like a bath…eeerk”


So was Ms Nowland the re-incarnation of Gorlak the Destroyer, and belting around the facility screaming and waving the steak knife as she sought to deliver carnage and ruin to the staff and fellow residents?


Well, apparently not. Police have confirmed the 43kg, 157cm-tall 95-year-old was shuffling slowly towards them in a walking frame.


For reasons best known to himself, Pete then advised the media that homicide squad detectives attached to the State Crime Command, had been called into the inquiry.


And of course, there is an inquiry. The Law Enforcement Conduct Commission (LECC) is also conducting a critical incident review, and it was somehow “independently monitoring” the investigation. Why? Well, to ensure there was public confidence in the investigation, of course.


I’d recommend no-one starts holding their breath.


And here’s why…


There is video evidence of what happened. The police describe it as “confronting”. Which is probably fair. It would certainly be rather confronting to see a 95-year-old woman get Tasered by the cops and pitch head-first onto the floor following “negotiations”.


But we cannot see this video evidence. Pete and his fellow heroic excuse-makers have decided it is “not in the public interest” to show us this footage.


And of course, it isn’t. How could it be in the public’s interest to see, first-hand, the heroism and professionalism of our police force as it acted with such selfless valour? And of course it is always up to the police to decide what is in the public’s interest, is it not?


Could it be in the public interest to know the name of the police officer who Tasered Ms Nowland? Not at all. After all, he might be found innocent after the exhaustive inquiry, and it’s not at all the same as naming some filthy non-cop scumbag who police allege bashed an old woman, and who has been charged with that offense, but is yet to be proven guilty before a court. Not the same at all.


I am honestly at a loss to understand why this kind of repeated police behaviour is tolerated by our society and our media. And it is tolerated. Very much so. Police are always lionised and venerated by the media and demands are made upon us they be respected at all times.


For their part, they do absolutely fuck-nothing to earn any respect, and continue to treat us all with vicious contempt.


A lot of people accuse me of hating the cops. Cops get on my timeline and say I am being inflammatory, and seek nothing more than click-bait. One such creature, an ex-cop, who happened to be very involved in motorcycle media for many years, openly advocated that the Highway Patrol run down motorcycle club members.


Of course, when any attempt is made to engage in a rational debate with these flogs, ask them questions about arse-covering, corruption, thuggery, and if good cops don’t out bad cops then surely they are all guilty, I am blocked, and they scurry off to their own echo-chambers to tell each other how scum like me is simply ungrateful for all the beautness they bestow up on all.


I do not hate cops per se. I hate that we do not have a professional and accountable police force. I hate that a cop can Taser a 95-year-old woman, and that senior cops then seek to make excuses for such a thing. I hate that the cop in question is not immediately identified, stood down, and charged.


I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure no other police force on this earth has ever Tasered a 95-year-old woman shuffling towards them in a walking frame and holding a steak knife – presumably in her third arm, because if you try walking in a Zimmer frame and holding a steak knife, you’ll find you’ll need a third arm. Unless you’re holding the knife in your teeth like a pirate.


So, Pete, I reckon you should fuck off with your mealy-mouthed bullshit. And you should take your disgusting cadres of thugs, idiots, and cowardly clowns with you.


You Tasered a 95-year-old woman. And you’re not on your knees pleading for forgiveness?


We deserve better than you.

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Boris Mihailovic

Boris is a writer who has contributed to many magazines and websites over the years, edited a couple of those things as well, and written a few books. But his most important contribution is pissing people off. He feels this is his calling in life and something he takes seriously. He also enjoys whiskey, whisky and the way girls dance on tables. And riding motorcycles. He's pretty keen on that, too.

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